20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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