oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
There's always time for handjobs
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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