I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
