My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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