I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize