i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
