that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
