Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
