Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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