I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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