I murdered the dance floor call the cops
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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