I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
