No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize