wake up i wanna do it froggy style
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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