do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
