I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
