It's like a parade of train wrecks.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
