Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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