somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
