My Higher Power is John Stamos
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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