Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
