Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
