While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
