Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
