I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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