If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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