Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I will pee on everything he values.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
