loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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