Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize