Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
what day is it and did you see me today?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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