can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Hello my rib-scented angel!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
