He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
