drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
