I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
