Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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