Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
