uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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