All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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