apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I supernannyed him into submission
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
