i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
