im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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