Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
