I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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