He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
