Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
