U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Just puked most of my soul out..
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
