I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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