I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize