My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
