god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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