That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize