Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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