I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
