i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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