is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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