I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
