I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
