he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
