just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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