i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
