I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
