I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
