remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
